


A+ Parenting

by ateverbti



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, M/M, Odin's A+ Parenting, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:30:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ateverbti/pseuds/ateverbti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raising children never intended to be simple and fun, but Frigga did not think that it was possible to fail on this field so miserably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A+ Parenting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Andae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andae/gifts).



> A little crack/humor fic that is set up just after events in "Perfect Gold". It's a gift for Andae cause she suggested that Frigga could feel a bit bad after what happened to Loki and Thor.
> 
> I want to thanks Andae and Miedziany for checking mistakes with translation.

Raising children was never intended to be simple and fun, but Frigga did not think that it was possible to fail on this field so miserably.  
She put her arms around her rounded belly. Everything was already complicated enough and now this on top of it. Of course, she was happy to be a mother, but a little voice in her head reminded her about some not very nice things. For example, that despite all efforts raising her two sons, adopted, but sons nonetheless, came out rather averagely, if not simply badly.

  
Frigga really tried to be a good mother. Understanding, loving and sensible. When Odin brought home a little boy, crying at every opportunity, always hungry and sleeping too little, she thought she could somehow cope with that. Thor was a sweet child, but he still required lots of attention. She could not left him alone even for a moment. At the beginning he smashed the side of the cradle with his small fists, then broke his toys. There was no other choice, she guarded him as she could with the help of a servants. Her husband appeared at times, clearly avoiding any responsibility, especially if it was about getting up at night for the baby. Thousands of times she wanted to tell him openly that she was the only one that had dark circles under her eyes and fell asleep from exhaustion at feasts, but every time she looked at her son, Frigga forgot about everything. Odin was an unfaithful idiot, but because of him she had Thor, so she was willing to forgive him a little more. If only one day he hadn’t brought home another kid.

  
This time, the situation was much more complicated. The child turned out to be a Jotunn. Quite small for his race, and in addition there was something obviously wrong with him. He was able to keep the body of an Asgardian, hiding his blue skin. For a brief moment she suspected that her husband had an affair and it turned out as usual, but this time Odin denied it so vehemently that she decided to believe him, at least for a while. In addition, the small Jotunn stole her heart, just as Thor did before.

  
Loki, in contrast to his older, brother was a very calm and quiet child. He didn't fret, did not require constant attention and he didn’t cry at night like an animal being slaughtered. He slept all night, ate everything he was served and was the cutest boy Frigga had ever seen in her life. When Loki grew up a little, he was, perhaps, less charming, thanks to a exceptional penchant for malicious jokes, but now it was on Thor’s head. In the end they were brothers, the elder should have to deal with the younger and take care of him. Frigga did not foresee that the two would become each other’s complete opposites. Odin, as usual, did not react. Damn, she wanted to hit him hard with a branch of Yggdrasil, preferably straight on the empty, grizzled head.

  
The problems started when Thor was nine years old, and Loki seven. At that time Frigga did not think it was anything serious. Indeed, they had fun together, probably even liked each other's company, but each time the elder son complained that his brother was malicious. While the younger whined that Thor laughed him off together with his friends. Children. She convinced herself that it was normal, those things just happened between brothers and there was nothing to tear her hair over or to try intervening because of it. One would pull the other’s hair, he would give the first one a punch and they would reconcile. Everything would be just fine. After all, they were kids, there was nothing to worry about. Or it wouldn’t have been, if nothing had changed. When Thor was sixteen her sons began to drift apart more and more. Loki would spent the whole day in dark, stuffy chambers or library, studying books and magic, while the older son grew into a great warrior. Thor had friends, Warriors Three and Sif, Loki was alone. She tried to soothe it somehow, repeatedly suggested that they should spend more time together, especially to the younger son who was more eager to listen. Apparently, in spite of all he liked the company of his brother. Thor. Well, Thor didn’t give a damn, claiming that the whole world belonged to him, that everything could be dealt with thanks to him flailing his hammer. He had a good heart, but thinking was not his strongest trait. She tried to help, but she supposed it was too late. Frigga blamed herself a bit, of course, but where the hell had her husband been all this time? He could take care of it as well, not leave everything on her head.

  
And then it all crumbled. Thor, as usual, wasn’t thinking, when Loki got them eagerly into more trouble. Odin reacted idiotically, exaggerating everything too, as usual. In addition, their "little" secret came to light. If it hadn’t, the disaster could have still be prevented. But Loki finally found out who he was. Odin instead of having a normal conversation with him decided to take a nap, and, as usual, left her alone with the mess on her head. If only with the mess, Ragnarok would have been nicer. And yes, the younger son was angry and had every right to be, the elder was banished. She tried to talk, to explain, but at some point she realized that it was not working at all and it was breaking her heart. Ragnarok. Definitely she would have preferred the end of the world than what had happened. Then things started to be a lot worse. Loki was really messed up in the head, Thor had grown a bit of sense, but not too much. Finally, she gave her sons an idea that seemed to be sensible and effective. She was fortunate that Thor and Loki somehow managed to mend things between them.

  
Somehow. It was an exceptionally fitting word. Of course, it could have been worse, but the current solution did not comfort her at all. Loki and Thor no longer fought with each other. The younger son even gave up the desire to control another world or realm. He went through enough and cause a lot trouble. The elder? Well, Thor, yes, he was still interested in the affairs of the kingdom, he was preparing for his role and... He spent ninety percent of his time with his brother, at Loki's house. Preferably in bed. No, it was not a good solution. She thought it was no solution at all. Blood or not, they were brothers and they should bear that in mind. And if they didn’t, they should have thought about her. At the beginning Frigga suspected that it was another of Loki's plans, but she quickly found out that also Thor had done a lot. Her two beloved sons, heedless of their origin, treated each other in a way that was definitely not brotherly. Again, she explained and argued... and hit the brick wall again, but this time it was reassuring that it was the wall her children had built together. Regardless she believed it to be an outright educational failure.

  
“My dear?” Frigga heard a voice behind her.

  
She was brushing her eldest son’s cradle. She did not want to have another conversation with her husband. Recently she only wanted sweets, peace of mind, and from time to time to pay a visit to the younger son, though she was still not thrilled with that particular relationship, but nothing could be done about it. It was a bit better that way, she could have lost them both. And her stupid husband did not even try to fix anything.

  
“Frigga, darling,” he put his hands on her broad shoulders, “you are worried.”  
“No, of course not,” she muttered under her breath. “Considering the circumstances I’m radiating with happiness and joy,” she added sarcastically.  
“You should rest, our son will be born soon and...”  
“Well,” she interrupted, ”with our spectacular failure in raising our two older children there should be nothing to worry about, after all, shouldn’t it?”  
“Baldur will be different, I'm sure,” Odin tried to calm her down “Your kindness and my wisdom...”  
“Oh, yes, a lot of wisdom. By the Nine Realms, I hope he will not inherit that wisdom from you, because it is not going to end well.”  
“Insinuating something?” Odin raised an eyebrow.  
“Not at all.” Frigga shook her head. “Your wisdom is so legendary and infinite I have no idea where you contain it. Because of it, one of our sons escaped and does not intend to return until Ragnarok. The second one sleeps with his brother instead of a nice, pretty girl. Sif, for example.”  
Odin wanted to say something, but she cut him off before the words were out of his mouth.  
“And no, this time you will not blame this on Loki, Thor he knew what he was doing.”  
“It's not my fault, I raised them to be decent boys.”  
“Yeah, great job. Both are such splendid examples. Especially Thor. I understand Loki, he had a right to be upset. But your son?”  
“Well, maybe he is not behaving like the heir to the throne, but...”  
“Can you finally do something useful and tell him the truth? Because if you're going to dump it on me, Norns know that I'll pack, and choose Midgard for a very long vacation.”  
“Do you really think it's the right time? There is still time before Baldur is born, so no need to rush,” he muttered under his breath.  
“If you're going to deal with it just like with Loki, be sure that I will personally make a new leather covering for the throne from your hide,” she hissed. “ You will you come and explain it to him. Right now. And don’t dare nap right after you finish.”  
“I would like to remind you that I am the ki...”  
“And I would like to remind you about my possible vacation” she smiled wryly. “One son already hates you, the other will soon have every reason for feeling the same. And recently I'm not too impressed either. Go!” She pointed her finger at the door “And tell the servant to bring me some honey cakes. I feel like eating honey cakes.”

  
Yes, raising children was the hardest thing in the world. Having a husband was even more difficult. But Frigga had a vague feeling that perhaps now would be a little better. Still somewhere at the bottom of her mind there was a stray thought that the Loki had to inherit his damn stubbornness from someone, just like his ambition and inability to admit mistakes. Odin’s affair with a Jotun was still very likely. Thor, in turn, inherited a hot head. She hoped Baldur would cope better with everything. In the end he would not have a younger brother. Or elder. At least in the vicinity, because she was convinced that Thor would willingly join Loki at Midgard and find no desire to go back home until the end of the world. She loved her boys more than anything else, but sometimes she wanted to send them to the corner like unruly children, preferably each in a different world.

  
“Oh well. Next time I visit them, I will bring a lot of apples and some biscuits.”

***

“What? “ Thor's eyes were wide open. “No, it cannot be...”  
“Son, I'm sure you understand. Besides, considering your relationship with Loki...”  
“Do not involve him!” He growled clenching his hand on the hilt of the hammer. “Do not even try. Besides, since when do you know?” Thor decided that there was no point in lying.

  
Another secret came to light. It had no greater significance now. He was no longer heir to the throne. He was angry, very few people would not be. After all he had believed for so many years in something that was not true. Moreover All-father explained little and was very surprised that Thor wasn’t suddenly bursting with joy. He shook his head. He wanted to laugh and smash something at the same time. Certainly he would have done it if he hadn’t been in the throne room, face to face with his father.

  
“You know I do not approve of your behavior. Your mother and I raised you and Loki different.”  
“ Do not involve mother in it either!” Again he clenched his fists. “And you know what? Do not involve me either.” He turned around and headed for the exit. “I've heard enough.”  
“Where are you going? If you're going to meet up with your brother, then you know that you should not.”  
“ You know what? That is exactly what I am going to do. Go to my brother,” he snapped and briskly walked out of the room.  
Odin sighed. Since when were his sons so ungrateful?

 

***

 

First he heard footsteps on the stairs, so loud and heavy that they could wake the dead. Then key turning in the lock and the cat meowing. Loki lifted his head knowing full well who was his night visitor. He groaned softly, glancing at the bedside clock. Four in the morning, the perfect time for a visit. He rubbed his eyes with his hand to see clearly. A cry died in his throat. Instantly he wove a spell to save a precious vase, set off for a meeting with the floor after his older brother knocked it over.

  
“This is a very expensive vase,” he sighed softly.  
“Loki!” Thor was next to him.

  
Before Loki had a chance to think his brother raised him to a sitting position. He blinked a few times not being sure whether he was not dreaming. Unfortunately, he was apparently awake. A blond-haired brick house was sitting next to him, violating his private space more than usual. In addition, his brother was probably angry or shocked. Loki was not sure about that. He did not even want to know. For him, it was still a middle of the night and he only wanted to get some sleep.

  
“It is four in the morning,” he said. “Are you crazy?”  
“Baldur is the only rightful heir, I ... Frigga is not my mother and I will not be king. My father said that I would not, and...” Thor spoke quickly with disjointed sentences.  
“Welcome to my side of the tunnel,” Loki groaned. “We'll talk about it when I wake up.”  
“But Loki! I will not be the king!”  
“It's even comforting,” he lay back, completely ignoring his brother. “But they could tell you this earlier or later. Rather than now!” Loki snapped and covered his head with a pillow.  
“Comforting?!” Thor reached for a pillow. “Are you happy?”  
“Honestly?” He turned his head in Thor's direction. “Yes, very much. Now shut up and lie down next to me if you want. But do not shout, you scared the cat. Just remove the shoes.”  
“Why?” Thor stammered, taking off his clothes.  
“Why what?”  
“Why are you happy?”  
“Ah, I thought it was about the shoes,” Loki shook his head. “You will not be a king, you will not need a heir, my figure remains intact,” he said settling himself comfortably as Thor put an arm around him.  
“What? You are a man.”  
“ And a shapeshifter ice giant, you moron.” Loki rolled his eyes. “Have you ever seen a woman of my race?”  
“Well... no”  
“Exactly. What do you think, how do we breed? By flowers and bees?” Going back to sleep apparently was not an option.  
Loki rolled over to be face to face with his brother, who still looked like he swallowed a frog or two. Or a dozen. Yes, a dozen seemed to be adequate. Loki gently stroked his hair.  
“They could have said it a little earlier that you were half adopted, it would not cause so much trouble then.” A smile appeared on the narrow mouth ”I thank my parents for a good education,” he added sarcastically.

  
Thor looked at him as if digested or calculated a thought that suddenly appeared in his head. It was new, he didn’t behave like that before, and Loki suddenly found it very interesting to watch how cogs began to work in this blond head.

  
“So you're saying that we could...”  
“COULD NOT!” Loki almost cried when he realized what Thor wanted to say.  
“But you said that...”  
“No,” he hissed. “I didn’t. No. No.”  
“You know, it's not such a bad idea.”  
“One more word, and will you sleep on the couch.” Loki's eyes narrowed.  
“ You would look so beautiful and...”  
“Enough! Sofa now. And do not get too close to me without protection. Never.” He pushed Thor out of bed. “Do not even try.”  
Thor looked at him with a look of a dense golden retriever. It was like someone took the sweets from a child and then ate it before its eyes.  
“Loki...”  
“C-O-U-C-H.” Loki wove a spell and after a while Thor found himself on the sofa.  
Bedroom door slammed shut with a bang.  
“Children. No children, ever,” Loki muttered under his breath, and buried under the duvet.


End file.
